The First Christmas (Post marriage)

The first Christmas after divorce is going to be very hard. I wish it weren't but that's just the hard truth of it. Whether you filed for divorce or you were filed upon there is just so much to grieve.

If you have children you will be grieving having them with you 100% of the time or even less. I do not want you to be caught off-guard when they have sledding plans that do not include you like they always did. 

There will be church events that will be different, school Christmas event events that will be different and you may even miss them just playing video games in the background and being there. 

Grief may also hit you EVEN when they are there. Because things just aren't the same. You are not alone.

But you will also grieve the family being together. After divorce your family has died and it needs to be grieved like a death. I want you to know that it's normal to be hit with waves of sadness and sometimes they come and go without warning. 

You may also grieve the marriage itself even if you were betrayed. You still love this person even if they broke the wedding vows and betrayed you deeply. The heart does not just turn off. Again, I'm here to say that you are not alone.

But I want to encourage you with this: Christmas day is only 24 hours. Christmas vacation is only a couple of weeks and this moment in time will pass. You can choose to be bitter or you can choose to be better. 

Surround yourself with friends. Go to the gym. Make plans ahead of time especially on weekends. Do some fun things for yourself and do not get stuck watching TV commercials that celebrate beautiful, Norman Rockwell families. That is fiction anyway.

You are not alone friend! 

We are going on a mountain climbing expedition. And we are doing it together! Marriage recovery is a journey that we must take one step at a time.

Look in the mirror and say those words: "I am him!" Let's GO!

-Dr. K